Best I Funny Quotes | I Funny: A Middle School Story by James Patterson
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
― James Patterson
A lot healthier than getting socked in the stomach. Especially if you had a big breakfast.
― James Patterson
“The school crossing guard is a zombie?” screams the youngest Smiley. Then she starts crying. “I hugged her once, Mommy! Am I gonna turn into a zombie, too?” “Take it easy, dear,” says Aunt Smiley. “It’s just a joke. I think. Right, Jamie?”
― James Patterson
Have you ever done something extremely stupid like, oh, I don’t know, try to make a room filled with total strangers laugh until their sides hurt? Totally
― James Patterson
when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life doing something, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
“wanted that to be my bedroom,” he says. “It’d be so easy to sneak out at night to TP yards, egg cars, and punch people.” Yes, Stevie has an active social life.
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Yes, I have a very small and mostly nerdy fan club. And much to my amazement, it grows a little larger every day. Apparently, these new recruits liked what they saw of my act on YouTube (even though everybody wishes that doofus blocking the camera had a smaller head).
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Okay, so how, exactly, did I get into this mess—up onstage at a comedy club, baking like a bag of French fries under a hot spotlight that shows off my sweat stains( including one that sort of looks like Jabba the Hutt), with about a thousand beady eyeballs drilling into me?
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Get-out-of-the-house-NOW-because-he’s-calling-you-from-downstairs-and-has-a-chainsaw scared.
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Stevie Kosgrov is my very own somewhat demented Dudley Dursley—if Dudley had muscles and serious BO issues and knew how to jam people’s heads down toilets to give them a swirly. Yes,
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Chapter 16 ME AND MY CRAZY FRIENDS Yes, the other Smileys finally came home and, yes, my body finally thawed out. Now
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
He’s basically putting on a private doo-wop show for the seagulls. Then he stops, spreads out his arms, and adds in the harmony: “In the still of the ni-i-i-ight!
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Yesterday I asked my teacher, ‘How come I have to study English? I’m never going to England!’ ” Stevie still isn’t laughing, but…
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
If number two pencils are so popular, why are they still number two?
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Big Sale. Last Week.’ Last week? Why advertise? I already missed it. They’re just rubbing it in.
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Why did Piglet, Eeyore, and Christopher Robin stick their heads down the toilet? Easy. They were looking for Pooh.
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
However, I had been hoping that Donald Trump would just drop me off in one of his helicopters.
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
Terrible. This morning, when I put on my underwear, I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
friends are the family we choose.
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
it’s pretty hard for a bully to give you a triple nipple cripple if he’s doubled over,
― I Funny: A Middle School Story
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